A Nickel for My Thoughts

I just went to get my mail and realized that almost every single day, I receive an envelope that contains either a nickel or a packet of dozens of mailing labels with my name and address on them. I'm not sure why I receive these, or if other people also do with such alarming frequency. I think I must have donated money to some organization at some point, The Lymphoma Society or something, because the envelopes always seem to have some epidemic-related cause on them. And now, naturally, I am being eternally punished for my good deed.

Underneath my mailbox in the lobby of my building, there is a trash can for recycling paper. I always glance at these envelopes for no more than a fraction of a second before dropping them in this can. I simply cannot be bothered to tear open a letter for the sole purpose of retrieving a nickel. That strikes me as both immoral and miserly; there's more dignity in simply throwing it away. And honestly, how many return address labels do you think I need? I mail like one letter a month. I kept a packet of these labels from one such envelope about three years ago; I'm still making my way through it. I'm all set with the labels.

Without having read the content of any of these envelopes, I can only assume the senders of them are soliciting more donations. Just a thought, guys: maybe your money would be better spent on the disease you're trying to cure, rather than printing up millions of personalized mailing labels for people. Or than on actually sending cold, hard cash out to random people. Call me old fashioned, but giving money away doesn't seem like the best way to raise cash. Then again, I guess you gotta spend money to make money.

Anyway, if anybody wants a donation for their cause, there's about fifteen cents in the trash can in my lobby. Help yourself.