The Pigeon Whisperer

So I’m up on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, taking in the view. Outdoors, 86 stories up, 55 degrees. Beautiful day. As I’m standing there, I notice a pigeon walking around near me on the ledge, on the other side of the guard rail. “What the hell is a pigeon doing all the way up here?” I think to myself.

A few paces away, a small cluster of people are gathered around something. I go over and see that they’re watching a man who is clutching another pigeon in one hand, belly up, as he works to untangle some thread that’s caught in its foot.

My first thought is that this man must be an employee of the Empire State Building, some sort of bird handler who is treating this wounded – or at least inconvenienced – wild animal. Then I think, wait a second. That doesn’t make any sense. This isn’t a fucking zoo. Why would the Empire State Building care that a pigeon has some thread in its feet? That’s like the city paying a guy to comb the rats’ fur in the subway.

So then I think, well what’s the alternative? That this guy just picked this pigeon up off the building ledge, and is now fucking grooming it? Is that what’s going on here? It’s not like this guy was homeless; he was around my age, wearing a beanie and a shoulder bag. I stood and watched this guy, along with like four other people, for about ten minutes. In fact, there was another pigeon on the ledge also watching, clearly distressed, because he was pacing back and forth, warbling frantically. All the while, the captured pigeon is just hanging out, calm, cool and collected, while this man holds him and picks thread out of his foot. Here’s a picture I took of this bizarre scene:

I was losing my mind. I had to know what was happening. Finally, I spoke up. “Excuse me?” I said. The guy looked up at me. “Did you just pick up that pigeon?” I asked.

“No entiendo,” he said. So there you go. Dude didn’t even speak English. He was a tourist. He had come to see the Empire State Building, and while he was up there, he fucking picked up and cleaned a pigeon. I mean, that’s a hell of a story. I’d never seen anything like it in my life.

A minute later a security guard came over and told the man he had to put down the pigeon. The guy muttered something and kept working at the bird’s foot. The guard became more insistent. The guy held up a strand of thread to the guard, who then lightly smacked the guy on the arm, saying forcefully, “Sir! Put down the pigeon right now!” Finally the guy released the pigeon back onto the ledge, its foot now unencumbered from the thread.

The guard calmed down. “That’s nice of you,” he said. “But don’t pick up any more pigeons.”

A quick epilogue: I ended up behind this guy on line for the way out. He was with a female, who he at one point put his arm around. Which means his girlfriend is totally cool with her man intimately handling stray pigeons, then handling her.

Welcome to New York.