By far, my favorite thing they show on the TVs in the back of cabs is the Six Second Movie Review. If you're not familiar with the Six Second Movie Review, you can probably dream up what it is: a snarky guy yays or nays a new release with a Micro Machines-esque few lines of quip. Example: "We Bought a Zoo? More like We Bought a Turd - I'm out!!!"
Six Second Movie Review guy has inspired me...to do him one better and leave him in the dust. Introducing FIVE SECOND MOVIE REVIEWS!!! That's right: anytime I see any movie, from any time period, I will post a review of it right here on this very website, and it will take no longer than five seconds to read. This will allow me the opportunity to post more things, thus making me feel better about myself writing-wise, without actually having to do a whole lot more work.
I'm very excited to kick off the Five Second Movie Review with a special Kaptain Kvetch 2nd Annual Oscars Edition, reviewing all of the Best Picture nominees. Strap your socks down.
THE ARTIST
It will probably win, which says a lot about how talented screenwriters who use dialogue are these days.
THE DESCENDANTS
Clooney's Clooney, Alexander Payne's quirky, hot teenager in bikini. Worth seeing.
EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE
This kid's not changing my mind on the whole reluctant-to-have-children thing.
THE HELP
A race relations film revolving around the hilarious practical joke of shitting in someone's food. Powerful stuff.
HUGO
Okay, I get it. Hollywood enjoys sucking its own dick.
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
One of the better Woody Allen films. Also one of the better Owen Wilson films.
MONEYBALL
Never been more pleasantly surprised by a book adaptation. That Aaron Sorkin has a bright future.
THE TREE OF LIFE
A two and a half hour perfume ad. So...wonderful, if you like that kind of thing. Which I do not.
WAR HORSE
Unbelievably cheesy. But has inspired my forthcoming NC-17 directorial debut, WAR WHORES.
Six Second Movie Review guy has inspired me...to do him one better and leave him in the dust. Introducing FIVE SECOND MOVIE REVIEWS!!! That's right: anytime I see any movie, from any time period, I will post a review of it right here on this very website, and it will take no longer than five seconds to read. This will allow me the opportunity to post more things, thus making me feel better about myself writing-wise, without actually having to do a whole lot more work.
I'm very excited to kick off the Five Second Movie Review with a special Kaptain Kvetch 2nd Annual Oscars Edition, reviewing all of the Best Picture nominees. Strap your socks down.
THE ARTIST
It will probably win, which says a lot about how talented screenwriters who use dialogue are these days.
THE DESCENDANTS
Clooney's Clooney, Alexander Payne's quirky, hot teenager in bikini. Worth seeing.
EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE
This kid's not changing my mind on the whole reluctant-to-have-children thing.
THE HELP
A race relations film revolving around the hilarious practical joke of shitting in someone's food. Powerful stuff.
HUGO
Okay, I get it. Hollywood enjoys sucking its own dick.
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
One of the better Woody Allen films. Also one of the better Owen Wilson films.
MONEYBALL
Never been more pleasantly surprised by a book adaptation. That Aaron Sorkin has a bright future.
THE TREE OF LIFE
A two and a half hour perfume ad. So...wonderful, if you like that kind of thing. Which I do not.
WAR HORSE
Unbelievably cheesy. But has inspired my forthcoming NC-17 directorial debut, WAR WHORES.
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