I Probably Should Stay in Bed Today

I just woke up, went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror, and found a dead fly stuck to my face.

I'm not talking about a tiny, smushed little gnat you might swat against your skin in a humid climate. I'm talking about a full-on, wing-rubbing, shit-sucking FLY stuck to my FUCKING FACE.

It was right in the crook between the top of my nose and my right eye socket. Horrified, I leaned in closer to the mirror to make sure of what I was looking at. Then, with trembling hands, I peeled the insect off my face, dropped it into the sink, and rinsed it down the drain.

This really freaks me out. I feel like Naomi Watts in THE RING. It's like it's some sort of omen. I already worry about enough neurotic shit; I really don't need biblical plagues being assigned to me. Please, God - next time just put your message in my horoscope or something.