So last night I'm watching the Chargers-Colts game on Monday Night Football, and announcer Mike Tirico jovially mentions that Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers and his wife are expecting their seventh child any day now. He relayed this tidbit this like it was delightful news, as if fathering a child is an accomplishment akin to winning a Super Bowl.*
Well, newsflash, Tirico: it ain't. Not only is repeatedly knocking up your wife a move simpler than a screen pass, it's also selfish and irresponsible.
We human beings live together in what's called a "society." This society exists within the finite boundaries of planet Earth (until we figure out how to colonize the moon and other planets, that is). Earth has a certain amount of resources we already consume at an alarming pace. In addition, the one ecosystem we have is being precariously pushed into the red zone by all of this consuming we do.
Our planet's population right now is 7.1 billion people, and rising rapidly. If you've tried to get anywhere in Los Angeles between the hours of 3-7PM in the last 25 years, you don't need me to tell you that there are too many goddamn humans in the world.
So forgive me if I don't gush over egomaniacs like Philip Rivers making the decision to contribute seven (and counting) of their own progeny to the population. Last year, Rivers told the National Catholic Register, "It's funny because sometimes when I'm out with just three of them, people ask if they're all mine, as if three is an enormous family." Yes, imagine that. You leave half your kids at home, and the public is still surprised at the rate you reproduce. Hilarious.
What if every couple decided to have seven kids? What would public schools look like? Parks and beaches? In-N-Out drive-thru lines? People shouldn't be allowed to have seven children, let alone celebrated for it. Aside from what it says about your own self-image that you feel it necessary to introduce that many versions of yourself into the world, it is beyond inconsiderate to the other members of this society we all exist in. Without selfless do-gooders like myself, doing my part to balance things out by resisting my powerful impulses to procreate, we'd breed ourselves right into oblivion in just a couple generations.
Oh by the way, Rivers and his wife are die-hard Catholics and high-school sweethearts who purportedly abstained from having sex till marriage. Thanks again, religion!
*Rivers has never accomplished this.
Well, newsflash, Tirico: it ain't. Not only is repeatedly knocking up your wife a move simpler than a screen pass, it's also selfish and irresponsible.
We human beings live together in what's called a "society." This society exists within the finite boundaries of planet Earth (until we figure out how to colonize the moon and other planets, that is). Earth has a certain amount of resources we already consume at an alarming pace. In addition, the one ecosystem we have is being precariously pushed into the red zone by all of this consuming we do.
Our planet's population right now is 7.1 billion people, and rising rapidly. If you've tried to get anywhere in Los Angeles between the hours of 3-7PM in the last 25 years, you don't need me to tell you that there are too many goddamn humans in the world.
So forgive me if I don't gush over egomaniacs like Philip Rivers making the decision to contribute seven (and counting) of their own progeny to the population. Last year, Rivers told the National Catholic Register, "It's funny because sometimes when I'm out with just three of them, people ask if they're all mine, as if three is an enormous family." Yes, imagine that. You leave half your kids at home, and the public is still surprised at the rate you reproduce. Hilarious.
What if every couple decided to have seven kids? What would public schools look like? Parks and beaches? In-N-Out drive-thru lines? People shouldn't be allowed to have seven children, let alone celebrated for it. Aside from what it says about your own self-image that you feel it necessary to introduce that many versions of yourself into the world, it is beyond inconsiderate to the other members of this society we all exist in. Without selfless do-gooders like myself, doing my part to balance things out by resisting my powerful impulses to procreate, we'd breed ourselves right into oblivion in just a couple generations.
Oh by the way, Rivers and his wife are die-hard Catholics and high-school sweethearts who purportedly abstained from having sex till marriage. Thanks again, religion!
*Rivers has never accomplished this.
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