Baby Mama Drama

Some friends of mine were in town last weekend - a married couple - and they shared with me the happy news that they were expecting a baby. This was followed immediately with a caveat not to say anything to the other people we were having dinner with that evening, because "we're not supposed to be telling people yet."

I found this annoying on a couple different levels. First of all, if you're not supposed to be telling people yet, then why did you just tell me? I didn't ask if you were pregnant; you volunteered this information, then banned me from talking about it with other people, thus burdening me with an uninvited secret. I don't like keeping secrets; it means I have to be constantly mindful of what I say - which, if you know me, you understand is not so much one of my strong suits as one of my weak suits.

Secondly, what is this "not supposed to tell people" bullshit? It's your baby, right? Tell whoever the fuck you want! Of course, the real issue that we're all dancing around when people say that is that there's a higher probability that a baby might miscarry earlier in the pregnancy than later. Understandably, nobody wants to go around telling people they're having a baby, only to have to then update everyone that the baby died. That's kind of a bummer for everyone involved.

So I propose this little rule change to the whole "not supposed to tell people" thing. How about if expectant parents just tell their friends that they "might" be having a baby? Someone asks why you're not having your usual glass of wine with dinner? "We might be having a baby." Hey, why did you just throw up all over your desk at 10AM? "I might be pregnant." No one with any social sense will press you on the uncertainty of that response. And then, should anything...unpleasant...occur down the road, and your friends follow up, you can just say, "Nope. Turns out I wasn't pregnant."

See? Problem solved. No secrets, no lying, no uncomfortable conversations about infant mortality. 

Kaptain Kvetch: offering potent advice on women's issues since 1978.