Happy Thanksgiving, Mom

Ma,

For future reference, understand that Thanksgiving is about three things, in order of importance:

1. Delicious food
2. Exciting football
3. Family

I would expect you would know me well enough by now to realize that I will not take well to you badgering me to get up and change clothes during the final two minutes of a thrilling three point Cowboys-Saints game. I wouldn't assume that you would understand the fantasy football implications I had at stake as well; but just stick to the basic rule of leaving me alone during these precious valuable Thanksgiving moments I choose to spend alone with the television.

I know our family friends told us to be at their house at 5 o'clock, but obviously it's implied that there is a buffer zone. If we're there at 5:10 or even, god forbid, 5:15 or 5:20...no one will care. This point was proven when we in fact did arrive at 5:20, and our hostess was still in the bathroom getting ready.

I'm a little disappointed the Cowboys missed that final field goal and the game didn't go into overtime, because then we would have had a real showdown on our hands. And I assure you, I was not about to get up from that chair, not for you or your goddamn delicious mashed potatoes, before that game was decided.

So we've got exactly one year to get on the same page here, because next Thanksgiving could get real ugly, real fast.

Your beloved son,

KK