I Continue to Hate Sprint

Recently I went to a dinner party. At one point I was asked to make a run to the local corner mart (despite being a guest) to pick up some pineapple juice for the specialty cocktails being made. When I returned I tried to call someone to let me into the apartment complex, only to be routed to a Sprint customer service center informing me that my account had been suspended. Having almost shot myself as a result of dealing with Sprint matters in the past, I could immediately sense my heart rate quickening.

There was the standard 10 minutes of hold time before I could speak to someone, during which I managed to get into the building and back into the party. I excused myself to the balcony, as I knew there would be voice-raising, possible yelling involved.

I was right. A subhuman female customer service rep finally picked up and informed me that my service had been shut off because I had a past due account balance of $177 - two months. I told her I didn't understand how this was possible, as I always pay my bills on time. In fact, I have a wonderful feature set up on my account that automatically charges my credit card when my bill is due every month, so there is no possible way I can fail to pay my bill on time. But as I've learned, anything is possible in Sprint Land.

After berating this emotionless freak for just up and turning off my phone service - as opposed to, say, sending me an email or text message informing me that my bill was past due - perhaps maybe even warning me that my service may be in jeopardy of being shut off - I calmed down, wanting to get on with the business of just paying the bill and returning to the dinner party. As I was getting out my wallet, the she-zombie told me they would not accept payment in the form of a credit card. "What do you mean?" I asked, confused. She told me the only way I could pay this bill was in person, with cash, at a Sprint store, or by way of "money gram." She was very insistent that there was no way they could take my credit card, despite the fact that this is how I have paid every single phone bill with them for years and years.

"Listen to me," I said, blood temperature on the rise. "There is no way in hell I am spending any part of my day going to a Sprint store with $177 in cash to pay this bill. That's insane."

"You can also pay with a money gram, sir," she repeated.

"I don't even know what the fuck a money gram is!" I screamed. "That is not a form of payment in this country! We pay for things with credit cards!" Then I asked her "Can you even tell me what a money gram is?"

She didn't answer me. "Hello?" I asked. Still no answer, but I could hear her clicking away on her keyboard. She was looking up what a money gram was. I looked through the window at my friends enjoying the party, having a good time, possibly wondering what I was doing out on the balcony. "Look, put someone else on the phone," I sighed. "This whole thing has been a colossal waste of my time. Put someone on the phone who has more authority than you."

She put me on hold. Much more waiting. Finally a guy with a whiny voice took over the call, and things didn't get much better. He kept insisting I had to pay this bill in cash at a Sprint store. I tried to reason with him, to tell him that was ludicrous, to please listen to the very words that were coming out of his mouth. No matter. These people have all been brainwashed to produce the most frustrating answers available to their loyal customers. The one positive thing he did for me was actually turn my service back on. But again, to pay my bill, I would have to go to a... "Yeah yeah yeah," I said. "Look, I'm not going to a Sprint store. I'm just not. So if you won't take my credit card then we have nothing left to talk about."

"All right sir, you have a nice night." Asshole. I hung up and went back inside.

The next day I got a text message from Sprint asking me to pay my bill online via credit card.