Today

I write this first sentence not knowing what the following sentences will conatin. I'm writing this because I don't really know what else to do with myself at the moment. My stomach is knotted, my heart about as heavy as it's ever been, like a single paper towel trying to sop up an entire puddle. I'm writing because it's the purest way I've ever known to release terrible feelings. Hell, that's the reason I started this silly blog in the first place.

The world seems to be becoming more and more of an overwhelming place to exist in. It feels like every other day I have to take pause to allow another of humanity's tragedies to wash over me - whether it's Syrians slaughtering each other, or a biblical storm destroying an entire community, or a professional athlete killing himself and the mother of his little baby.

What happened today is another link in this horrific chain. Bad things have always happened, and they always will. For whatever reason - well, that's sort of bullshit; it's the kids, of course - I feel like this one demands I express something, here, in my little corner of the internet/world.

I don't want to say anything about guns, or mental health, or any of the obvious issues at play here that must and will be debated, even though in this moment I'm fairly pessimistic there will be any positive change as a result of this. All I really want to do is reach out to anyone who reads this, to try and express how much love I have for you.

I don't consider myself much of an expressive person. I probably don't tell the ones near and dear to me how much I care about them, how much they mean to me, as often as I should. That's probably true of most of us. But this is a day when I feel it is absolutely necessary, if for nothing else than just to keep myself from crying. If you're reading this, whoever you are, however I know you - whether you're my family, my best friend, an old girlfriend, a dude I had a meeting with three years ago - I love you. You all mean something to me, and I am incredibly grateful that we're a part of each other's lives, however big or small that may be.

This is a fucked up world. Nothing illustrates that better than what happened this morning. It terrifies me, and makes me feel like it's only a matter of time before something like this happens to someone I care about. All we really have is each other. I suppose that's my silver lining...coming to understand that  simple truth the older I get. And as this particular nightmare passes and fades away, I swear to fucking god to never forget that.