What better way to start off the week than by having my cell phone vibrate 117 consecutive times at 7:30 AM, having been flooded with returned emails from defunct email addresses, indicating that my Gmail account has somehow been hacked for the second time in as many weeks?
Not only do I have to endure the annoying embarrassment of having promotional emails appear in people's in-boxes who I haven't spoken to in years, I also have the pleasure of spending my morning changing the password on my account, which inevitably leads to a phone call to Sprint to be able to keep getting emails on my Blackberry. Highly aggravating. I have to take an extra Crestor today.
Please, computer hackers, I beg you: STOP HACKING ME. None of my acquaintances are going to start drinking acai berry juice, or whatever the fuck it is you're trying to trick people into believing I'm pushing on them. Leave us alone. Go hack into a government site, someplace where you can really do some damage. Google actually alerted me to the fact that someone had accessed my account from Saudi Arabia. Don't you people have more important shit going on over there? Terrorism and uprisings, that sort of thing? Figure out how to put your technological prowess towards advancing those goals.
By the way, Google, crackerjack job you're doing protecting your users from this sort of thing. I have absolutely no appreciation for the decade of free email service you've provided me. You suck.
Oh, and for all you people actually responding to this spam, writing back to ask me if I've been hacked, allow me to answer you collectively: YES, I HAVE BEEN HACKED. Thanks for being part of the 5% of people I've ever emailed to think I may have actually intentionally sent you an email containing only a web address for vitamin supplements, and then creating another 25 emails I have to go through by asking me about it. Please, for both our sakes, next time you get an email from me with the subject heading "Hullo There!!!"...just delete it.
Not only do I have to endure the annoying embarrassment of having promotional emails appear in people's in-boxes who I haven't spoken to in years, I also have the pleasure of spending my morning changing the password on my account, which inevitably leads to a phone call to Sprint to be able to keep getting emails on my Blackberry. Highly aggravating. I have to take an extra Crestor today.
Please, computer hackers, I beg you: STOP HACKING ME. None of my acquaintances are going to start drinking acai berry juice, or whatever the fuck it is you're trying to trick people into believing I'm pushing on them. Leave us alone. Go hack into a government site, someplace where you can really do some damage. Google actually alerted me to the fact that someone had accessed my account from Saudi Arabia. Don't you people have more important shit going on over there? Terrorism and uprisings, that sort of thing? Figure out how to put your technological prowess towards advancing those goals.
By the way, Google, crackerjack job you're doing protecting your users from this sort of thing. I have absolutely no appreciation for the decade of free email service you've provided me. You suck.
Oh, and for all you people actually responding to this spam, writing back to ask me if I've been hacked, allow me to answer you collectively: YES, I HAVE BEEN HACKED. Thanks for being part of the 5% of people I've ever emailed to think I may have actually intentionally sent you an email containing only a web address for vitamin supplements, and then creating another 25 emails I have to go through by asking me about it. Please, for both our sakes, next time you get an email from me with the subject heading "Hullo There!!!"...just delete it.
Eww, they totally hacked all over you. You must feel so dirty.
ReplyDeleteNot seeing an email from you in my Inbox, I thought I had somehow missed out on the valuable Acai Berry teeth whitening penis enlargement info that you and your Saudi hacker friends so thoughtfully provided. But then I looked in my spam folder, and there it was, an email from Ethan with a dodgy subject line, waiting patiently to be deleted automatically. Good thing I have Gmail to protect me from people like you.