How come only horses and chickens get to refer to their excrement as "manure"? Why don't we say "dog manure" or "bird manure," or get to use this word for our own droppings? It's a much more pleasant euphemism than any of the other words we have: "crap," "shit," "dump," etc. I'm partial to "poop," but it's a little on the immature side, especially when you have to excuse yourself from a business meeting.
George Costanza has already proven the attractiveness of the word "manure" with his analytical breakdown to Marisa Tomei: "If you think about it, manure is not really that bad a word. I mean, it's 'newer,' which is good, and a 'ma' in front of it, which is also good. Ma-newer!"
The primary definition dictionary.com gives for "manure" is "excrement, especially of animals, or other refuse used as fertilizer." But you could argue that not all horse manure is used as fertilizer, especially those big green clumps I had to avoid when I used to bike around Venice Beach, thanks to those highly modern mounted police. You could also make the case that all feces, of all species, eventually returns to the earth, and thus every organism produces manure.
So going forward, I've decided to refer to my own waste as my manure. When I have to go, I'll inform people that "I'm off to make manure." And if you're interested, I'll be selling 10 lb. bags of it at Orchard Supply Hardware for $5.99. Garden season is upon us!
George Costanza has already proven the attractiveness of the word "manure" with his analytical breakdown to Marisa Tomei: "If you think about it, manure is not really that bad a word. I mean, it's 'newer,' which is good, and a 'ma' in front of it, which is also good. Ma-newer!"
The primary definition dictionary.com gives for "manure" is "excrement, especially of animals, or other refuse used as fertilizer." But you could argue that not all horse manure is used as fertilizer, especially those big green clumps I had to avoid when I used to bike around Venice Beach, thanks to those highly modern mounted police. You could also make the case that all feces, of all species, eventually returns to the earth, and thus every organism produces manure.
So going forward, I've decided to refer to my own waste as my manure. When I have to go, I'll inform people that "I'm off to make manure." And if you're interested, I'll be selling 10 lb. bags of it at Orchard Supply Hardware for $5.99. Garden season is upon us!
My favorite part of this kvetch is the phrase "all feces, of all species". Elegantly rhymed, sir. Your manure is pure. (Not nearly as good, but I tried.)
ReplyDeleteHilarious.
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