Thursday, December 10, 2009

Cheers

Went out to dinner with my brother last night. It's always annoying to get poor service when you go to a restaurant, but for my money, hands down the most irritating aspect of said poor service is not having my drink refilled in a timely fashion.

I'm the kind of guy who's constantly washing down my meal with my beverage. I very much dislike the sensation of thirst. So on the one hand, maybe I require a modicum of extra attention as a restaurant patron. On the other hand...you're a waitress. It's not that big a goddamn deal to check up on me every 15 minutes. In fact, it's your job.

Last night I ordered a beer with my pizza. As I got near the end of it, I started getting anxious. No one had brought me a complimentary glass of water, which usually serves as a backup beverage in case you run out of your first one. So I was walking this tightrope of liquid rationing, like a soldier on the battlefield with a light canteen, and I still had a whole slice left.

This is my biggest pet peeve of eating out: having to guesstimate how and when I should take my few precious remaining sips, each one smaller than its predecessor. Totally stresses me out and sucks the enjoyment out of the meal. The whole point of going out to eat and spending all this money is so you can be catered to. Taken care of. Now, in this situation, I was actually worse off than if I had just stayed home. At home, at least I can get up, go into the kitchen and get another drink if I run out. In the restaurant, I'm at the mercy of whenever it occurs to my twit server to come back over and ask if everything's okay.

In the end, I had to wait about ten minutes from when I finished my beer to when I was asked if I'd like a second drink. I was uncomfortably thirsty the entire time, as I did not have the willpower to resist finishing my pizza slice (nor should I have to, I'd like to add).

I also did not have the balls to tip under 20% to make a statement. So, no lessons learned on anybody's part.

3 comments:

  1. As a veteran restaurant server (thank you, hold your applause), I am forced to argue the defense side on behalf of your server. Very well.

    First, we need more information. Such as...

    How full was the restaurant? How many other tables did your server appear to have? What time and on what day of the week was said beer-and-pizza consumed -- was this a busy peak time? Did your server appeared hurried or flustered, or were they more slow-moving and listless? Did they walk past your table repeatedly while your beer was empty, or did you not see them anywhere for most of that time?

    Depending on the answers to those and other questions, you might have a legitimate Kvetch against your server, or you might not.

    A thought, from the server's point of view: I might not always show it, but I always WANT to sell you -- er, I mean serve you -- another beer. Always. This goes for all servers, everywhere. So don't think the girl is purposely snubbing you. She wants to remember to ask you, but she's not quite up to remembering that in the sea of other things she is trying to juggle. Is that good service? No. Is it irritating to not get good service when you are paying good money to go out to eat? Yes. But here in the real world, where mediocre-to-terrible service happens all the time, all we really want is for Ethan to get his beer.

    So, perhaps next time, in the interest of avoiding the unpleasantness of Thirst, you could say the following words with a smile when your server puts your first beer, cold and delicious, on the table:

    "Thanks! And I'll probably want another of these in a few minutes."

    Note that this does not give the server the right to foist a second beer on you if you change your mind. You didn't *order* a second beer, you said "probably". What you have done, however, is prick up the server's ears a little. In the strict financial pecking order of Things I Give A Fuck About (Server Edition), you have just moved up the list. Your server now knows that there will be an easy opportunity to make an extra buck in a few minutes. And they will magically remember to swing by and ask you if you want that beer.

    If you *don't* say the above words, your server will put your first beer down, breathe a tiny sigh of relief, and mentally check you and your table off his/her to-do list for the moment, before dashing off to take care of something else. He or she is thinking of five or six other items that need to be brought from points A to B, A to E, A to F, B to D, and C to D in the restaurant immediately, and if you don't stuff a little hint in there, you are likely to get lost in the shuffle. This isn't good service, but it is reality.

    Let me point out that I'm not talking about what you should do if you're in an exceptional place where you're pretty positive you're about to get outstanding service. I'm talking about most restaurants, where your server is probably either A) inexperienced, B) horrendously busy, C) having a shitty day, or D) all of the above.

    Just say those magic words -- "thanks! And I'll probably want another of these in a few minutes." giving your server a tiny hint, a bit of guidance as to your needs, and you will be a less grumpy diner. I guarantee it. Or my name's not Cornelius McPooperson.

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  2. While I appreciate the tip on how to get a server to remember to do the most basic component of his or her rocket scientist-esque job, I highly doubt those words will ever come out of my mouth. For one thing, I'd rather not sound like an alcoholic in public. And second, I'm not exactly sure I will be having a second beer right when the first one comes. I kind of have to see how the meal goes. I mean, why not just order two beers right from the get go and tell her to stagger them 15 minutes apart? Why not call ahead before I get to the restaurant and have them change all the kegs to ensure they're fresh? And clean the floor around the urinals too, while they're at it? These things aren't my job to remember to do; they're the people's whose jobs they are. And I'll be damned if I'm going to expend one iota of harmless, friendly nudging just to ensure that I don't have a miserable dining experience!

    Also Mikey, your comments are not allowed to be longer than the actual kvetch itself.

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  3. Yes. I will try to be more brief.

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