From the crabbily maturing mind of my younger brother, Ryan:
Almost every day I drive past an electronic billboard that displays, in real time, the current wait at the local ER; never have I seen it less than 100 minutes.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I was under the assumption that if I have a big enough emergency to warrant a visit to an emergency room, I would be seen more immediately than an hour and 40 minutes later. Is the point of this billboard to prepare me for a lengthy wait if, later in the day, I start vomiting uncontrollably, or suffer a compound fracture and have my tibia jutting through my leg? And if, heaven forbid, that did happen, would I really be forced to sit in a waiting room while I coat everything and everyone around me in regurgitation or spill blood for over an hour and a half?
Maybe the billboard is supposed to be some sort of deterrent so people don't go to the emergency room for something minor. However, I have never heard of someone going to the ER and waiting around that long to be treated for a slight cough or bruised knee, especially when they could just as easily go to an urgent care facility and, most likely, be seen faster and for much cheaper.
Don't get me wrong, I understand there are waits in emergency rooms sometimes; I've personally experienced it. I also get that a wait may be unavoidable on some less life threatening occasions. But is it really benefitting anyone by wasting space and energy to let citizens know of the length of time they will have to wait? If one has to go to the ER, they're gonna go.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
ESPNo!!!
Dear ESPN.com,
When you put loud, abrasive advertisements on EVERY single article you have, that I then have to immediately scramble to shut off - especially if I'm, like, on the phone or something - it makes it less and less likely I will continue to go to your website.
Please discontinue this practice immediately. Don't make me turn away from the thing I love most.
KK
When you put loud, abrasive advertisements on EVERY single article you have, that I then have to immediately scramble to shut off - especially if I'm, like, on the phone or something - it makes it less and less likely I will continue to go to your website.
Please discontinue this practice immediately. Don't make me turn away from the thing I love most.
KK
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
D&B: Epilogue
Forgot to mention: after I got the mug, I was walking out, and I passed by that security guard. I held it up and winked at him. "How'd you get that?" he asked, immediately concerned.
"What do you mean? I took it."
"You TOOK IT???" He started walking over to me.
I laughed. "Come on, man. Of course not. You really think if I stole this, I would come over here and tell you that I stole it?"
He busted up. We hi-fived, and I left.
"What do you mean? I took it."
"You TOOK IT???" He started walking over to me.
I laughed. "Come on, man. Of course not. You really think if I stole this, I would come over here and tell you that I stole it?"
He busted up. We hi-fived, and I left.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
D&B
Tonight I went to a birthday party at a Dave & Buster's, which for those of you unfamiliar, is a funzone: restaurant, bar, arcade.
I had my meal, went and played some skee-ball, then decided I was ready to go. So I took the prize tickets I had won to the little gift shop, selected a miniature mug I thought was cool, and took it to the counter to pay for it.
Thereupon, I was told I didn't have enough tickets to get the mug. It cost 270 tickets, and I only had 95.
"Okay," I said. "So how much money should I give you to make up the difference?"
I was then informed they didn't take money. Only tickets.
After a bit of a back and forth, I was asked if I'd like to speak to a manager. I said yes, in fact I would.
So a sharply dressed man comes out, shakes my hand, and asks what the problem is. I tell him I'd like to buy this little mug. He says you can't buy it unless you have enough tickets.
"Let me get this straight," I said. "You will not accept American money for this mug? How much could the tickets I don't have possibly be worth? Two dollars? Are you serious?"
"That's correct, sir."
"Well," I said. "I don't have another two hours to go play skee-ball and win tickets. So how about I just hand you $10 right now, and I'll walk out with this mug."
"I can't do that, sir. It's a strict policy."
I looked at him. "Really?" I asked. "It's a strict policy that you'll accept nothing besides worthless tickets, as opposed to actual money, for all the trinkets you have in this store?"
"That's correct sir."
I stared at him. Then I picked up the little mug from the counter. "What if I just walk out with this right now?"
"Then I'll have that security guard tackle you," he said, nodding towards a burly gentlemen.
I looked over at said security guard. "Well, I don't want that," I admitted. "Tell you what. I'll be back. And I'm going to win those tickets and get this mug."
"All right. Good luck, sir."
I went back and started playing skee-ball again, but eventually just went and found a girl who gave me her tickets. And I got the little mug.
This country astounds me sometimes.
I had my meal, went and played some skee-ball, then decided I was ready to go. So I took the prize tickets I had won to the little gift shop, selected a miniature mug I thought was cool, and took it to the counter to pay for it.
Thereupon, I was told I didn't have enough tickets to get the mug. It cost 270 tickets, and I only had 95.
"Okay," I said. "So how much money should I give you to make up the difference?"
I was then informed they didn't take money. Only tickets.
After a bit of a back and forth, I was asked if I'd like to speak to a manager. I said yes, in fact I would.
So a sharply dressed man comes out, shakes my hand, and asks what the problem is. I tell him I'd like to buy this little mug. He says you can't buy it unless you have enough tickets.
"Let me get this straight," I said. "You will not accept American money for this mug? How much could the tickets I don't have possibly be worth? Two dollars? Are you serious?"
"That's correct, sir."
"Well," I said. "I don't have another two hours to go play skee-ball and win tickets. So how about I just hand you $10 right now, and I'll walk out with this mug."
"I can't do that, sir. It's a strict policy."
I looked at him. "Really?" I asked. "It's a strict policy that you'll accept nothing besides worthless tickets, as opposed to actual money, for all the trinkets you have in this store?"
"That's correct sir."
I stared at him. Then I picked up the little mug from the counter. "What if I just walk out with this right now?"
"Then I'll have that security guard tackle you," he said, nodding towards a burly gentlemen.
I looked over at said security guard. "Well, I don't want that," I admitted. "Tell you what. I'll be back. And I'm going to win those tickets and get this mug."
"All right. Good luck, sir."
I went back and started playing skee-ball again, but eventually just went and found a girl who gave me her tickets. And I got the little mug.
This country astounds me sometimes.
3 Articles
Just read three editorials in The Week, and had profoundly different visceral reactions about each of them in a very short time span. So I'm venting, because it's cathartic. Don't feel obligated to read.
Here are the basic gists:
"Liberals who once accused Bush of "shredding the Constitution" give Barack Obama far more leeway in fighting the war on terrorism..." - NY Times
Oh, really? There's a small difference between getting your but patted down a bit more at the airport, and monitoring everybody's phone calls while you bomb the everloving shit out of a country based on stuff you make up.
"Couldn't these young men (al Qaida members) use their creative energies to start new businesses and help the Arab world's sagging economies? Why don't they emulate the entrepreneurial Israelis...?" - NY Post
Amen, sister.
"Many young people spend much of their time e-mailing, texting, and tweeting online 'friends' about such effluvium as what they ate for lunch or what movie they saw last night...there's the future for you. One in which words are abundant, but exist mainly to express the trivial and the transitory." - LA Times
Wow. Could you sound any more like an Andy Rooney-esqe old crank? Did it ever occur to you that this technology you detest actually brings people closer together? I'm sure you hated those whole phonograph and telephone revolutions too.
Here are the basic gists:
"Liberals who once accused Bush of "shredding the Constitution" give Barack Obama far more leeway in fighting the war on terrorism..." - NY Times
Oh, really? There's a small difference between getting your but patted down a bit more at the airport, and monitoring everybody's phone calls while you bomb the everloving shit out of a country based on stuff you make up.
"Couldn't these young men (al Qaida members) use their creative energies to start new businesses and help the Arab world's sagging economies? Why don't they emulate the entrepreneurial Israelis...?" - NY Post
Amen, sister.
"Many young people spend much of their time e-mailing, texting, and tweeting online 'friends' about such effluvium as what they ate for lunch or what movie they saw last night...there's the future for you. One in which words are abundant, but exist mainly to express the trivial and the transitory." - LA Times
Wow. Could you sound any more like an Andy Rooney-esqe old crank? Did it ever occur to you that this technology you detest actually brings people closer together? I'm sure you hated those whole phonograph and telephone revolutions too.
Gotta Love the Regis
I just screamed at a guy off my balcony because he was being obscenely loud. He yelled back some very rude things. I asked him if he wanted to fight. He said sure. He gave me his apartment number.
I went down there, ended out hanging out with him and his friends. He's actually pretty cool.
I went down there, ended out hanging out with him and his friends. He's actually pretty cool.
Driving in LA
I was just on my way driving somewhere when some guy pulled out in front of me at a stop sign, cutting me off with clearly no regard for any rules of the road.
Probably related to the issues I've had with poor drivers lately, I looked in my rearview, saw him sitting at the light, and made the regrettable decision to put my car in reverse and go yell at him.
Then someone rounded the corner behind me and hit me as I was backing up.
Not a big deal, small tap. Everything was fine. But I stilled pulled over to sort it out. The car pulled up in front of me and stopped.
Then this big Mexican guy with about 1000 tattoos and a black guy with about 1001 tattoos get out of the car and come over to my window. At this point, I'm prettttty positive I'm going to get murdered.
They start yelling at me about what I did. I said, "Listen, I'm really sorry. This guy cut me off, I was trying to back up and yell at him, and I didn't see you. I apologize."
The Mexican says, "Give me $15-20."
"What?"
He repeated his demand. I just looked at him and said, "I'm not giving you $20. If you want my insurance, we can exchange information. But I'm not giving you $20. I don't even have $20 on me. That's not how things work in this country."
Then the two of them began a bunch of thug talk. "Nigga, we'll fuck you up! You betta pay attention on the street! Fuck you!" Blah blah blah.
I said, "Look, I've already apologized. What else do you you want? You want me to get out of the car and fight you here in the street? What do you want?"
They went back to their car and drove away.
Interesting town.
Probably related to the issues I've had with poor drivers lately, I looked in my rearview, saw him sitting at the light, and made the regrettable decision to put my car in reverse and go yell at him.
Then someone rounded the corner behind me and hit me as I was backing up.
Not a big deal, small tap. Everything was fine. But I stilled pulled over to sort it out. The car pulled up in front of me and stopped.
Then this big Mexican guy with about 1000 tattoos and a black guy with about 1001 tattoos get out of the car and come over to my window. At this point, I'm prettttty positive I'm going to get murdered.
They start yelling at me about what I did. I said, "Listen, I'm really sorry. This guy cut me off, I was trying to back up and yell at him, and I didn't see you. I apologize."
The Mexican says, "Give me $15-20."
"What?"
He repeated his demand. I just looked at him and said, "I'm not giving you $20. If you want my insurance, we can exchange information. But I'm not giving you $20. I don't even have $20 on me. That's not how things work in this country."
Then the two of them began a bunch of thug talk. "Nigga, we'll fuck you up! You betta pay attention on the street! Fuck you!" Blah blah blah.
I said, "Look, I've already apologized. What else do you you want? You want me to get out of the car and fight you here in the street? What do you want?"
They went back to their car and drove away.
Interesting town.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Kristallnacht
Why is it that when you break a glass, it has to break EVERYWHERE? I swear to god, I just broke a glass in the kitchen, and I stepped on a piece in my fucking bedroom. How come when I drop a cookie, I don't end up finding shards of cookie everywhere for two weeks?
Fuck you, glass.
Fuck you, glass.
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