Get Off the Road!!!

I know it's very cliche and obvious to complain about driving problems in LA, but I simply cannot keep this hostility inside. It is my purpose to flood the world with my negativity. You're welcome.

I honestly cannot drive any distance in this twit capitol without blaring my horn at some A.D.D.-prone yahoo who is obliviously contributing to the slowing down of society. Just now, on a one mile trip back from Best Buy to my home - a five minute drive - I had to honk at two such morons. The first was probably the most common type of offender: while waiting to make an unprotected left turn, the driver sat there in the intersection after the light turned yellow and the oncoming traffic slowed to a stop, until I gave a good long honk. He or she (probably she) finally jolted back from her daydream of unicorns or monkeys clapping or whatever retards think about these days, and zipped through the now-red light, leaving me stuck until the next green.

I would say this happens over half the time I'm behind someone making a left hand turn. It's especially common when there is an actual left hand turn arrow - the arrow turns green, and the lead car just sits there. Often times the cars behind the first car don't even notice; I've been like five cars back and have to be the one to lean on the horn. Is it so much to ask that drivers stay alert long enough to register the changing colors of the flashy lights before their eyes? Life is short, people! Hurry up!

When I got home, there was an elderly woman in a Volvo who had turned her car so that she was pointing at the driveway to my building, but she wasn't actually in it. Instead, her car was just sitting there perpendicularly, effectively blocking the driveway and the opposite flow of traffic simultaneously. It looked like she had attempted to put her car into the driveway, but stopped just short of actually doing so. I waited about seven seconds or so before I gave her a solid beep too, which she responded to by jolting her 80-something year-old head up like it was D-Day again. Then her car lurched forward and out of the way, bumping up against the curb violently as I zoomed around her.

I think elderly peoples' licenses should be automatically revoked after a certain age. Why wait for them to prove that they've become incompetent at handling an automobile, like that geriatric who mowed down those people at the Santa Monica farmers market a few years ago? In addition, it would be great if there was a system by which you could have your license suspended based on how many times people honk at you. Three honks, you don't drive for a week. That seems fair. That's all I need, is for there to be a system to incentivize my honking.

I'd also like to revive my dream of getting to have three missiles a year that I can fire from my car at other vehicles or pedestrians, but one step at a time.